


French...kiss

by My_Evak_Heart



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Coming Out, Friendship, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-11-12 17:08:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11166306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Evak_Heart/pseuds/My_Evak_Heart
Summary: Isak goes on a school trip with his French class to Paris, France, where he meets Even, a French barista.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story won't take place in Paris - not in the present, at least. Chapters will be written by months and flashbacks of Evak's time in Paris will be inserted trough the chapters.

  Sometimes, goodbyes aren't 'goodbyes'; they're more of a 'see you later'. And, although we knows we're gonna see each other again, that it isn't a final departure, it doesn't make goodbyes any easier. 

The clock announced four o'clock and Isak knew what he had to do. 

Isak lifted his eyes to meet the older boy's blue ones, bags under them from their lack of sleep, his fingers still clutching onto his lover's, scared to let go. Swallowing his tears, Isak blinked, giving his brain a good minute to register every details of the tall Parisian beauty standing in front of him, wearing nothing but a grey hoodie and boxers, hair messy from their time lazing around in bed. 

He was dreading this moment. The moment he'd have to let go of his most precious belonging.   

With one more squeeze, he let go of the hand he was holding, fingers grazing as he spoke the next words: '' _Goodbye, Even_.''


	2. One | October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the full chapter. Sorry for updating like that, I think I'll just post the whole chapter when it's done and instead of separating it. It's less messy. 
> 
> p.s. Did you guys watch today's clip? I'm dead <3

Sunday, October 1st

  Green irises glued to the small, electronic device's screen, Isak re-read he and Even's morning texts for the tenth time since the plane took off. It had been difficult to leave the french boy's bed this morning at the crack of dawn. He was so comfy and warm in Even's bed, skin pressed against skin. He wished he never had to leave Paris. He wished he never had to leave _Even_.

**_______________**

**Even❤**

**05:38**

I'm about to board and I don't know what's holding me 

from turning around and running back to you...

We'll find a way to each other again. I promise, mon amour ❤

Until then, here's a great selfie of us, in my bed!

❤

 **_______________**  

Isak doesn't know if Even was joking when he said 'great' selfie. This photo of them is _horrible_. It was a bit blurry, their eyes were closed and their faces were off framing. Oh, and Isak's hair looked really bad too - thanks to Even. Although the photo was bad, Isak saved it to his camera roll with the rest of their pictures. He grew a bit of a collection over the past four weeks he spent in Paris. His Paris folder held more than a hundred pictures and most of them were portraits of the tall french boy. No shame. 

There was one of Even and him on top of the Eiffel tower, just after their cute picnic in the park. Even on his balcony during sunrise. Even taking pictures of a scenery. Even laying down in the grass, holding a small flower he then gave to Isak. Even wearing Isak's snapback and being a n idiot while posing. Even, Even, _Even_. 

With a sad sigh, Isak turned off his phone and put it in his jacket's pocket, resting his head against the headrest of his seat. Going trough his photos will only make him miss Even more and he doesn't feel like crying on the plane. What the fuck. 

He had an hour and half to kill before they land in Oslo and, of course, his friend had to be sleeping. 

Next to him, Mahdi was sleeping soundly, his head digging into the blonde's shoulder. Isak was lucky to get a window seat, unlike his best friend Jonas who was stuck in the middle of his ex girlfriend, Eva, and Magnus. The latter was drooling on Jonas's shoulder and Isak couldn't help but smirk in amusement. 

From his seat, he could see Mrs Crawford, their french teacher, glaring at him over her glasses. He knew he was going to be in trouble for missing curfew _and_ sleeping out when they get back. She's probably gonna call his parents and he's gonna be blacklisted from any future school trips. 

Not that Isak cared. 

When he arrived at their hostel this morning, he tried to sneak inside but Mrs Crawford caught him and didn't buy his mediocre bathroom lie. Maybe she would have believed him if he hadn't been dressed in his day clothes.

-

_''Stay.''_

_''I'll stay,'' Isak replied, kissing Even's bare shoulder before burying his face in the older boy's chest, inhaling his sweet, yet musky scent. ''Just ask and I'll stay.''_

_It was barely morning and the two boys had just woken up from their short sleep. Neither felt like sleeping knowing Isak had to leave in the morning. They wanted to spend as much time together as the could and if that meant staying awake all night, then be it._

_Even cooked dinner for them last night, showing off his cooking skill to Isak._ _He went as far as making his own ice cream and bread, leaving Isak wooed by his talents. It doesn't take a lot to woo him when it comes to food though, all Isak can cook is mac'n cheese and toasts - and sometimes, he still manages to burn them._

_After eating, they went out for a walk and drank champagne in the park. They watched the sunset and Isak might've had a bit too much of champagne, just a bit. Even didn't mind dealing with needy and cuddly Isak though. It was cute._

_As tempting the offer was, Even shook his head. ''I can't ask you that.''_ _Isak lifted his head from Even's chest, a frown casted on his forehead. ''You're only seventeen, you can't leave home. And, you're graduating in June, right?''_

_Isak knew even was right but he really, really wanted to stay. Going home wasn't that exciting. Going home meant dealing with his parents, dealing with school and the drama that comes with it. Going home meant going back to his old life, the one Even wasn't a part of._

_''Everything is so much better here.''_

_''Avoiding your problems won't make them go away. Don't you miss your little sister? Lea, was it?'' Isak nodded, a smile forming on his lips because Even remembered his sister. For once in his life, someone actually listen to what he's saying. ''I'm sure she'll be sad if her big brother doesn't come home.''_

_''What about you? Won't you be sad if I leave?''_

_''Of course. I'll be sad the second you pass this door, mon amour,'' Even assured him, raising a hand to caress the younger boy's cheekbone._ _Isak leaned into his touch before going back to his previous position on Even's chest._

-

''Isak? Isak!'' 

The blonde hummed, shaking his head out of his reverie. ''Uh?''

Magnus rolled his eyes. Of course Isak was not listening. ''Are you excited to land?'' he repeated, leaning over his armrest to look at Isak a few rows behind him. 

As much as Isak hated being on the plane - being constricted in your seat for hours is very annoying and boring -, he dreaded landing. The freedom to move and not being in the same room as his french class classmates 

So, no, Isak wasn't excited to land. 

''I can't wait to see Vilde. She said she'd come get me at the airport. We haven't had sex in a month, I bet we're gonna go at it all fucking night. She said she was very horny and missed my bi-'' 

The boys all cringed, not wanting to hear details about Vilde and Magnus's sex life. ''Ugh, _please_ stop,'' begged Mahdi beside Isak, covering his hears with his hands. Jonas laughed. 

''Sucks she couldn't come to Paris with us.'' 

''Hey, we agreed it was a _boys_ trip!'' reminded Jonas. ''If Vilde had been there, you two would've been together the whole time and ditched us.'' 

''That's not true,'' Magnus defended. ''Why do I get shit if I ditch you but not Isak? It's unfair! Isak barely hung out with us in Paris and no one gave him shit for it.'' 

Isak smiled smugly. ''That's because they love me more than you.'' 

Magnus gaped and the boys laughed at his shocked expression. They love messing with Magnus.

''Why are you always the favorite one? It's true. You _always_ gets the hot girls.''

''Why would you need hot girls? You already have Vilde,'' asked Jonas. 

''Yeah, you're the only one of us who is in a relationship,'' reminded Mahdi and Magnus smiled.

''I knew I was more awesome than you all.'' 

-

Monday, October 2nd

  Back to school was weird. Everyone already had their schedule and had fallen into their routine. Isak felt out of place as he walked trough Nissen's halls, searching for his Biology class and he was stressing over it because there's barely a minute left before the second bell rings. In times like this, he wished Jonas was with him, he'd look less of a fool if he walks in the wrong classroom.

''Isak. Late, as always,'' noted Sana, pulling out her textbooks from her bag.

The blonde rolled his eyes, sitting down next to her. ''I'm _not_ late.'' Sana narrowed her dark eyes at Isak and the latter sighed. ''Okay. I'm a bit late...but the teacher isn't there. She's late too,'' Isak defended and Sana shook her head. 

''You should learn to be more punctual. You'll be in college next year and I don't think your teachers will appreciate you barging into their classroom during a lesson.''

''I'll try working on that this year, okay?'' 

''You should focus on Biology, you're a month late because of your trip to Paris.''

''Aren't you going to let me borrow your notes?'' 

''No.'' Sana opened her textbook, starting on today's reading. ''Why would I do that?''

''Because you're my Biology partner...and friend.'' 

Isak doesn't really consider Sana as a friend. They get along okay and she's nice to him - most of the time - but, they're not friends.  A part of him admires Sana. The muslin girl doesn't take shit from anyone and knows when to admit her wrongs - sometimes. Isak wishes he was like that. 

''We're not friends, Isak.'' 

Before he could say anything else, their Biology teacher walked in and the lesson started. 

-

Wednesday, October 4th

  The Paris trip wasn't just a prolongation of their summer vacations. It was more of a study abroad kind of situation. They had lessons with Mme Beauchamps Monday to Friday and tons of assignments to hand out every week. It wasn't your typical school projects though. Sure, they had the classic essays about the Louvre museum or the Eiffel tower but, they also had fun ones like going to a markets and finding ingredients to cook a traditional french meal or recreate an historic scene. Those were Isak's favorites. 

Now, they're back to usual school work and needless to say, Isak hates it. His nose buried in his textbooks and pages of notes everywhere, Isak doesn't know where to look anymore. He messed a month of school here and honestly, it feels like he missed a whole _year_. He has so much work to catch up. 

To make it worst, his Biology teacher decided to have a test on Friday and Isak wants to cry. He just came back on Monday, he'll never be able to learn everything in time. Cut him some slack. Lucky for him, Sana emailed him a link where everything he'll needs for his test is explained. It's an English website but Isak should be able to translate everything on his own. English is not that complicated. It's easier than French. 

His eyes were burning from staring at the computer screen for so long and his crossed legs were starting to ache, telling him he's been sitting there for way too long. Isak hasn't left his bed since he came back from school at three-thirty...and it's almost eight. 

A knock on his door made Isak look up, his green eyes catching his mom's. ''Your dad and I needs you to babysit Lea while we're out.'' 

''Do I really have to?'' 

Marianne narrowed her eyes at her son. ''She's eight, Isak, you just have to watch her for a couple hours.'' 

The thing is, Isak is _always_ the one who has to watch his sister. It's not like she's this monster child, she's actually very sweet and not difficult but, he has a lot of schoolwork to catch up on and he can't really focus or get work done if he's watching Lea because he knows she'll want him to play with her or watch a movie.

''I have a Biology test this Friday,'' he explained but his mother was not listening. 

''You're a big boy, Isak. I'm sure you can watch your sister and study for your exam. Lea should be getting out of her bath in a minute or two, make sure she brush her teeth before bed and that she doesn't drink too much.'' Without waiting for a confirmation from her son, Marianne went back to her bedroom to finish getting ready.

Looks like he doesn't have a choice but to watch Lea now...

''What is it gonna be tonight?'' Isak asked Lea after he made popcorn. He set the bowl on the couch between them and waited for a movie suggestion. 

Lea grabbed her chin, thinking. ''Can we watch Beauty and the Beast?'' she asked. ''Aunt Astrid bought it for my birthday,'' she informed him, getting up from the couch to grab the DVD from the shelve. 

Isak wanted to groan because, _ugh, not a fucking princess movie_. He said nothing though. If Lea wants to watch this movie, they're gonna watch it. He knows she was sad when he left for Paris and that she missed him a lot while he was gone. Isak remembers that one time when she called him in tears because she didn't have her cuddle buddy when she has a nightmare. Now that he's back, he'd do anything to get a smile on her face. 

After putting on the DVD, Lea sat beside her big brother, her blonde hair falling over her eyes. ''Did you know that Beauty and the Beast is set in Paris, Isak?'' 

''Yeah, I remember someone telling me that,'' he replied, a nostalgic smile on his lips.

-

_In Isak's opinion, Even's workplace is one of the coolest place in Paris. Although he's not a massive movie connaisseur, he loves the idea of serving coffees with movie names or names related to movies and thought it was fucking brilliant. Seriously, how cool is it to have a drink called Moulin Rouge or Jay Gatsby?_

_A new drink was deposed in front of him and Isak looked up, his eyes meeting Even's blue ones. ''Holla. You're late this morning,'' Even noted._

_''Yeah. I had to do laundry,'' Isak explained with a grimace._

_Even nodded, understanding. ''Thought you had ditched me.''_

_''I would never.''_

_''Here's your drink!''_

_The mug was tall and clear; you could see where the coffee and the whipped cream met. Isak turned it around, grabbing the handle._ _''What is it called?''_ _Isak took a sip of the drink and cough a bit as the warm liquid passed down his throat. He put the drink back on the table and wiped his lips, feeling like there was whipped cream somewhere on his face. ''This is really fucking sweet.''_

_''A sweet drink for my sweet boy.''_

_Isak rolled his eyes and_ _Even smiled. ''You're so cheesy...''_

_''It's a double caramel mocha with whipped cream...and chocolate sprinkles because I felt like it.''_

_''Sprinkles, uh?''_ _Even shrugged and sat down on the chair in front of Isak. ''What's this drink called?'' he repeated, taking another sip of his overly sweet drink._

_''Hermione mochaccino. It's from the kids menu but, most kids who comes here prefers the Beauty and the Beast themed drink and pastry as it's actually set in Paris - partly. The main character, Belle, is born in Paris.''_

_''What's the difference between the two?'' Isak asked, licking the whipped cream off his coffee and Even had to bite his lip at the sight. The things he does to him..._

_''It's a white mochaccino. Much sweeter.''_

_''Why didn't you bring me this one?''_

_''That drink is reserved for the sweetest boy of the world...sorry, Isak.''_

_''What the fuck, Even?!''_

_Even laughed, leaning a bit over the table to brush his fingers on Isak's cheek._ _The younger boy leaned into the touch and smiled, all trace of his previous frown gone._ _''I'm kidding, mon amour.''_

_-_

Friday, October 7th

  Pre-games at Jonas's were back and the whole squad was very happy about it. They haven't pre-gamed together in _weeks_. Getting alcohol in Paris was too complicated and, when they came back to Oslo, school kicked them in the butt for the first few days.

When Friday came, they sat in Jonas's kitchen, beer cans on the table while listening to Magnus's crazy stories that makes no fucking sense, like always. No one really believes him but, it's funny to see him come up with this stuff. 

''That's bullshit,'' declared Mahdi. ''You did not hook up with a Parisian girl. We were with you all the time, we would've seen it.'' 

''It did happen,'' argued Magnus. 

''You cheated on Vilde in Paris?'' asked Jonas, processing what his friend just said.

''What?! No, I didn't.'' 

''Why did you just say you hooked up with a girl in Paris then?'' 

Magnus made a 'duh' face. ''Because I did.''

''So, you cheated on Vilde.'' 

''Of course not. I love Vilde. I would never do that to her.'' 

The argument continued but Isak wasn't listening, busy messaging his boyfriend under the table. 

And, if Isak had to swallow a squeal of excitement when he said Even's name on his screen, no one has to know. 

**_______________**

**Even** ❤

**20:12**

Working the closing shift tonight, keep me company?

Of course!

I've had a few beers though, I might not make much sense.

Nothing I can't handle

Oh, sorry for falling asleep on you last night, college

is kicking me in the ass.

It's okay. I had a Biology test in the morning. 

How did your test go?

Not too bad I hope. I can't fail Biology. 

I'm sure you did well. I have faith in you ❤ 

Wish you were here to keep me company instead of miles away in Oslo.

I miss having free coffee.

Just that? 

Yes.

You've hurt me, Isak...

Kidding ❤

I miss you. 

❤   

**_______________**

As much as Isak wanted to go home and text Even all night, he couldn't. He agreed to hang out with the boys and pre-game together. Ditching them would be rude and, he's been rude enough already by ignoring them. Turning off his phone, Isak picked up another can of beer and tried to join the conversation. He frowned when he saw Jonas and Mahdi standing up and packing the rest of the beers into a backpack.

''-down the street. Vilde said she could get us in.''

''Since when is Vilde friends with Sara? She and Ingrid talkshit about her all the time,'' said Jonas. 

Magnus shrugged and stood up too. He turned to Isak. ''You coming?'' 

-

  The party was boring. The music was too pop for Isak's liking and he lost Jonas an hour ago. He could try to find Magnus or Mahdi but Magnus must be making out with Vilde somewhere and Isak does _not_ want to see that. He's happy his friend found someone but, he doesn't want to see them spit in each other's mouth 24/7. 

And Mahdi... Mahdi must be dancing with some girls, showing off his dancing skills. 

So Isak was left alone, on Sara's couch, watching people dance and make out in the living room. He held his grimace when he caught some guy slip his hand under his girlfriend's skirt - or, was she his girlfriend? 

With a sigh, Isak let his head fall against the headrest of the couch. He was debating on getting another beer to pass time and get drunker because, why the hell not, when the couch sank next to him. Isak looked down to see who it was but he didn't recognize the girl. Her hair were short and she reminded him of Eleven from _Stranger Things_...but older. 

''Can I sit here? My legs are killing me,'' the brunette girl said. 

Isak shrugged. ''It's not my couch.''

''I haven't stopped dancing since I arrived here,'' she explained. An exhausted sigh left her slightly parted glossy lips, cheeks flushed from all this dancing. ''I've never been to a third year party before. They're much better than first year's!''

Isak held in his smart-ass comment and stayed silent. 

The girl raised an eyebrow at Isak, seeing how bored he looked. ''You don't seem to enjoy this party though...'' 

''I'm out of beers.''

''How is that a reason to not have fun?''

He smirked at her. ''Yes.'' 

She rolled her eyes and extended her hand. ''I'm Emma.''

-

Monday, October 9th

_Girls_. 

Just like most teenagers, girls are a subject that's talk about a lot in the boy squad. Most of the time, it's Magnus who brought up the subject. He talked about _all_ things girls and came up with the weirdest questions. Thankfully, he calmed down when he started dating Vilde. 

But, at the same time, dating Vilde meant being aware of all the damn gossips going around Nissen...and this is not good for any of the boys becuase they now have to listen to gossips about everyone and their dogs.

''You'll never guess who Jonas hooked up with on Friday.'' 

Mahdi and Isak shared a look and raised their eyebrows, curious to know who the mysterious girl who kept Jonas busy all weekend is, while Jonas rolled his eyes in annoyance. ''Don't make a big deal out of this...'' 

''Dude, this is _not_ any girl. Savannah Cooper is a fucking godess,'' praised Magnus. ''I can't believe you spent the whole weekend with her. You scored the fucking jackpot!''

Mahdi hi-fived Jonas, a proud grin on his face. ''Yeah, man.'' 

Isak wished he could tell them about _his_ hook up. Well, he can't really call Even a hook up anymore... 

Jonas smiled but shook his head at his friends. Don't get him wrong, he loves them but, sometimes, he wish they would keep it down a bit and stop making a big deal with the girls he hook up with. They're not celebrities. 

''Who's Savannah?'' asked Isak and Magnus gasped. 

Before Magnus could go on a rant about this Savannah girl, Vilde walked up to them. ''Hi!'' chirped Vilde, inviting herself on their bench and sitting beside Magnus. 

Happy to see his girlfriend, Magnus smiled and leaned for a kiss - a too long kiss if you ask the boys. With too much tongue too. 

Disgust plastered on Isak's face as he watched Vilde's tongue explicitly slide into Magnus's mouth. Can't they hold it in a bit? Or get a fucking room? Not everyone wants to see them make out on a public bench at school. It didn't help that Vilde's hands weren't exactly flat on her lap... 

Back in Paris, Isak remember making out with Even in public but at least tried to keep their hands to themselves - most of the time. No one wants to see you groping your boyfriend's dick trough his pants on the tram. Keep it in the bedroom...or when you are _alone_. 

Jonas's phone buzzed and he excused himself and left, leaving Isak and Mahdi alone with the couple. 

_Thanks Jonas..._

''You still coming over tonight, uh? My mom won't be home until ten, she got this new job and it's a weird schedule. I got a new pack of condoms.''

Instead of replying like a normal person, Vilde did something more...Vilde. 

''Meow.'' 

Isak blinked, looking at the couple with judgement. 

_Did she just-_

But it's not all. She didn't stop at mewing, she also nuzzled her face in Magnus's chest and crotch area. 

 _Oh god_. 

Isak is getting secondhand embarassement. Why do they have to be so fucking extra? Before Isak could be more disgusted, Mahdi knocked his knee with his, getting his attention. Just like Isak, Mahdi was on the verge of throwing up. There's a line between PG and unappropriated and Vilde and Magnus definitely crossed it. 

''I saw you with that girl. Pixie cut, dark hair,'' Mahdi said, nodding at Isak. 

For a second, Isak didn't know who Mahdi was talking about but then, it clicked. ''Oh, you mean Emma?''

''Yeah. Whatever her name is. Did you leave with her? Or...gotten any action?''

Emma? Why would he leave with Emma?

Isak shook his head. 

''What the hell, dude? She's so hot!'' exclaimed Mahdi and Isak shrugged.

-

Thursday, October 12th

  Is there anything better than going home after a long day at school? Isak's legs were killing him from the test he had in P.E. and his head was hurting from information overload. Teachers are crazy at Nissen. Who in their right mind tells their students to read half a textbook during _one_ period? 

Knowing he had to take a shower to wash away the sweat, Isak still went for his bed, falling on the mattress with his whole body-weight. The bed creaked at the sudden weight and Isak closed his eyes for a few seconds, exhausted. He's been waiting to lay on his bed since the last bell went off at school. It feels _so_ good.  

As nice as it felt to lay on his bed, Isak knew that if he stayed any longer without doing anything he'd fall asleep regardless the hour. And, as much as he'd love to sleep, his parents should be home shortly with Lea and if they see him sleeping at half four, they won't be happy. Isak rolled on his stomach to grab his phone from the floor where he left it in his jacket's pocket and opened Even's contact.

**_______________**

**Even ❤**

**04:39**

I can't feel my legs.

I think I'm dying.

What's wrong, mon amour? 

P.E. killed me. That's all.

Aw. If you were here, I'd give you a good massage.

I'm good at massage 

Fuck. That would feel really good right now.

You're the best, Even ❤

Why must you be so far away? 

**_______________**

With a loud sigh, Isak reluctantly stood, quitting his bed and headed for a shower, knowing he doesn't smell like roses. In the bathroom, he downed two painkillers and imagined Even's hands on him instead of the real thing. 

He'd kill for a massage right now. 

He'd kill for Even's hands on him.

-

_Even's touch._

_Even't touch is a silent talk._ _The simple graze of his fingers on his skin is enough to change his mood._

 _Even's hand resting at the small of his back is protective and gives him comfort. The one rubbing up and down his back_ _has a calming effect on Isak and_ _beings him peace when his head is a racing whirlwind of thoughts._ _The small squeeze when they're holding hands brings him security whenever they're in public._ _The hand rubbing his arm while they wait in line, chin resting over Isak's head while the Isak's is resting his against Even's shoulder...and the occasional kisses on his cheek, forehead, hair. It's intimate but not too much. It's the right amount of intimacy._

 _There's also the hand in his hair, tugging at the roots just enough to earn a soft moan from Isak while they're making out. The way Even trailed his thumb across his cheek and pulled_ _when they're kissing and he just wants moremoremore._ _The rubbing of his inner thigh..._

_Although Isak loved any touch he can get from Even, his favorite was when Even caressed his cheek._

_He just melts._

_The sun was out and high in the sky which was quite unusual for a September day. Isak had spent the morning walking around with Mahdi, searching for an historic monument/place that was not the Eiffel tower. Mme Beauchamps read their mind and crossed the Eiffel tower from the list, saying it was too easy - who doesn't know the Eiffel tower? - and that she wanted them to discover new places in Paris. After changing into some summer-y clothes, Isak met Even at the café. where he was waiting with a backpack on his shoulder, ready for another adventure._

_Even had brought a blanket and Isak's favorite pastries for a sweet picnic, knowing Isak had more of a sweet tooth. He installed everything and gave Isak an historic résumé on every pastries he brought. Did you know that croissants aren't really born in France?_

_''Where's my crème brûlé?'' Isak asked, crème pâtissière from his mille-feuille all over his thumb and index finger. He brought his fingers to his lips and licked them._

_Even shook his head at his boyfriend. ''You're insatiable.''_ _Isak grinned and Even leaned on his right arm to kiss him, lips tasting like chocolate and delicious crème pâtissière. Even pulled away, foreheads touching, and licked his lips. ''You taste good.''_

_The park was packed and Isak knew people were watching them but, he didn't care. As long as Even's with him he doesn't care who gives him dirty look. He's out of the closet, he shouldn't have to hide anymore. He's tired of holding in his feelings because of some homophobic jerks. If he wants to kiss his boyfriend in the middle of the street, he'll kiss his fucking boyfriend in the street._

_Living a life where you have to hide isn't really living._

_His stomach fulfilled - and very, very full -, Isak leaned back until his back rested against Even's chest. He rubbed his cheek against the soft fabric of Even's tee shirt, breathing in the familiar scent. Isak has known Even for less than two weeks and it feels like they've known each other their whole life. He knows so much about Even and Even knows so mucha bout him. He told him about his sister, Lea, his dream of becoming a doctor and save lives, his fear of death and why he's so damn anxious and needs reassurance all the time._

_''Even?''_

_He hummed. ''Uh?''_

_''Why are you so...soft with me?'' Even raised his eyebrow while looking down at Isak, not quite understanding what he means by 'soft'. ''You're always so gentle, you never talk loud or hug me so tight I can't breathe. You're never rough me me, always...soft.''_

_He didn't know what to say. No, that's a lie. Even knew why he was acting like this, why he was holding himself but, he couldn't say it yet, afraid Isak would leave him. Instead, he went with something close to the truth. ''I don't want to hurt you, mon amour.''_

_Isak rolled his eyes at the cheesiness and Even was relieved when the boy didn't try to dig. ''You won't hurt me. I'm not made of fucking chocolate, Even.''_

_Even raised his eyebrows. ''Oh, really? I haven't tried to eat you yet,'' he joked and teasingly bit Isak's exposed shoulder._ _Isak laughed and swatted Even away but Even wasn't letting go of him. Instead, he peppered kisses all over his boyfriend's face and neck, kissing every inches of skin he could reach._

_''Even, stop it.'' Isak turned around to face the older boy, trying to look mad but failing miserable._

_''You're so fucking pretty, Isak. My beautiful boy.''_ _Wind blew in Isak's blonde hair just as Even's hand came to rest on his cheek, warming his skin instantly. Isak's lips turned up, forming into a smile as he leaned into the touch._

 _A little girl with two pigtails approaching pulled them from their bubble, Isak sitting in front of Even so it was a bit more appropriate. She was wearing a floral dress and looked not older than seven years old. '_ _'Êtes vous des amoureux?'' the little girl asked, her voice high pitched but still childish._

_Even grinned and pulled Isak against him, arms folding over his collarbone, kissing his cheek. The girl giggled and ran back to her mother._

-

Sunday, October 15th

  Isak's favorite part about weekends are Sundays. It's the only day of the week he gets to sleep in without being yelled at for being lazy. His parents go to church with Lea every Sunday mornings so he has the house to himself and he can sleep for as long as he wants. 

This Sunday was an exception. 

Loud whispers coming from the room next to his pulled him from his peaceful sleep. Well, whispers...that's what they think they were doing because Isak could heard them clear and loud. They have been arguing a lot lately. About work. About money. About unpaid bills. Normal things adults argue about. It's nothing to worry about.

''I told you to not do this. I told you to not thrust this guy! He's sketchy.'' 

''Calm down, Marianne.''

''Calm down? How do you want me to calm down after you told me something like this? This isn't to be taken lightly.''

''I'll fix this,'' he promised.

''Don't make promises you can't keep, Terje.''

''I said I'll _fix_ this!''

''Fix this?'' Marianne scoffed. ''Are you gonna 'fix this' like you fixed our relationship?''

Isak sighed, hoping his sister didn't hear any of this. She  heard them fight once and she came to Isak's room in tears, thinking they were getting a divorce. How does she know about divorces?At this age, Isak barely knew how to tie his shoelaces.

**_______________**

**Jonas**

**10:03**

Hey. Wanna hang out?

It's been a while since we've hang out just the two of us.

Not like I have anything better to do today.

Isak Valtersen, up before noon on a Sunday? Are you feeling sick?

Fuck off.

I'll be there in 15. 

**_______________**

-

''So...Eva came over last night.'' 

Jonas and Eva have been on and off dating for a moment but things ended sour when Jonas went down on another girl during their break and Eva has been sending daggers his way every time their eyes meet ever since. 

So to say Isak was shocked by the news was an understatement. He simply couldn't believe Jonas. 

''She- What?! No way!'' 

''My mom caught us making out in my bed, it was fucking awkward. Can you imagine your parents walking in on you with your girl's hand down your pants? Eva was mortified.'' 

Isak laughed because he _knew_ the feeling. He knew it all too well.

-

_Sunlight came trough Even's large doors that opened on the balcony, wrapping the loft with a warm glow and breakfast had been abandoned on the small table, plates half finished. The loft was quiet except for the soft moans and lips smacking noises that came from Even's bed._

_They had planned to eat the food on the table, they really did...but Even's lips are so full and kissable that Isak couldn't help himself. One second he had a forkful of crêpes in his mouth and the next, he was sitting on his boyfriend's lap, kissing him explicitly._

_Normally, Even hates when you interrupt him during breakfast because it's the most important meal of the day but he didn't seem to mind this type of interruption. Instead of complaining and pushing Isak off him, he dropped his fork and put both hands on Isak's waist, pulling him closer and closer as he kissed back with just as much tongue._

_Isak moved to straddle Even, this position much more comfortable to make out. Taking advantage of this new position, Even's hands moves down and grasped Isak's ass trough the grey fabrics of his jeans._

_''Ugh,'' he moaned, tugging harder at Even's roots._

_Pulling away from Isak's mouth, Even moved down to his neck, sucking bruises Isak will have to cover later before going back to residence the French group were staying. If one of the boys sees him with hickeys all over his neck, they'll pester him about it and ask questions and Isak wants to keep Even a secret. He's not ashamed of him, it's just more exciting._

_Isak forced Even head up, searching for his lips. He can't get enough of those damn lips._

_''I guess we'll finish the crêpes later,'' Isak suggested breathlessly, amusement in his voice as he pressed his forehead against Even's, his teeth gnawing into his bottom lip. He was so fucking hungry. Hungry for Even._

_Even laughed and grabbed at Isak's thighs firmly, picking the boy up as he stood and carried them to the bed. Scared to fall, Isak wrapped his arms tightly around the older boy's neck, biting the skin playfully. It was hard not to. It's like Even's skin asks to be bitten and sucked at. And it bruised so easily..._

_The bed was warm due to the sun coming from the window above hitting the sheets. Even slowly lowered Isak down until his back hit the mattress, detaching the boy's arms from his neck and stepping back, watching Isak's spread body on his bed. They've met last week and Even still can't believe this beautiful boy is his._

_''Ev,'' Isak demanded, making grabby hands at him._

_Even rose his eyebrows. ''What do you want, mon amour?''  he asked, his eye following Isak's intensely._

_Isak opened his mouth to speak but, before he could make out an answer, Even was on him, one leg on each side of him._ _Even grabbed Isak's face between his hands and kissed him softly, pulling away much too soon for Isak's liking. Even smirked when Isak whined underneath him before attaching their mouths together again._

 _Unsatisfied with the lack of closeness between them, Isak used his right leg to pull Even closer but it was not working very well._ _In a second attempt, he reached to grab at Even's shoulder, pushing him closer until their bodies were flush together. While this was enough for a few seconds, Isak was quick to decide it was not. He wanted moremoremore. He trailed his hands from Even's shoulder down his back, feeling the muscles contracting underneath his fingertips, until it reached the hem of his tee shirt. Isak pushed the fabric up, revealing his boyfriend's warm skin._

 _Even attached their lips together again, relieving Isak's hunger and_ _pushed his hips down, making Isak moan into his mouth as his fingernails sank into the older boy's back, creating little crescent shape marks on his back. One of Even's hand reached down under Isak's grey hoodie, back arching to not loose any proximity, sending a shiver trough the boy's body._

_It was madness inside Isak's head. Even does this to him._

_Even stood on his knees to discard his tee shirt and Isak couldn't help but stare at the beautiful art scattering Even's chest. He raised a hand to trace the same path of freckles before tracing down to the hem of his boxers and pulling on top of him by his belt loop, making Even laugh._

_''Eager, are we?''_

_''Shut u-'' Isak was cut off by Even's lips on Adam apple._

_After that, things got heated quickly. Isak's hoodie joined Even's tee shirt and so did his pants and just as Even was about to pull Isak's boxers off, t_ _he door opened and a boy with long, dark hair walked in like he owned the place._

_''Did you see my-'' The guy stopped mid sentence when he saw his friend with another boy on his bed, half naked, before bursting laughing. ''And the tables have turned!''_

_Even sighed in annoyance when he saw who was in his appartement while Isak was trying to hide his almost naked body - and hard on - with Even's conforter but failing because Even was laying on it and it wouldn't move. Isak wanted to cry._

_Can this be more embarrassing?_

_''Fuck off, Mikael,'' Even shot at the guy, half amusement in his voice as he sat up, running his hands trough his hear to arrange the mess Isak made. '_ _'Erm, Isak. This is Mikael, my best friend.''  Even turned to Mikael. ''Mikael, this is Isak, my boyfriend.''_

-

Saturday, October 21st

**_______________**

**Even ❤**

**01:10**

_'Cause all I want is you, you, you, you_

_Ain't no telling what we gon, gon, gon, do_

_Cause oh my you too sexy_

_Your body's a blessing_

_I just wanna lay you down_

Erm...what the fuck, Even?

Sorry, I went to a karaoke with Mikael, haha.

Someone sang this at karaoke?

Yeah. Most people doesn't understand what they sings.

Not all Parisian are bilingual.

_I'mma take this time_

_To show you how much you mean to me_

_'Cause you all I need_

_No money can emphasize or describe_

_The love that's in between the lines_

_Boy look into my eyes_

_While I'm grinding on you_

_This is beyond sex_

_I'm high on you_

_If it's real then you know how I feel_

_Rockin' on you babe_

No fucking way someone sang this at a karaoke. You're full of shit.

Are you calling me a liar?

Am I not allowed to sing?

And miss my boyfriend?

And his delicious body 

What the fuck, Even?!

Even, are you horny?

Or drunk?

Yes and no, I'll let you guess which is which...

**_______________**

-

Monday, October 23rd

''It's B).'' 

''Erm, no. It's A).''

''It's B). We've seen this part last month.'' 

''In case you forgot, I was _not_ here last month,'' Isak reminded his lab partner. 

''I gave you my notes. Have you read them?''

''Yeah...'' 

He wasn't lying. Isak did read Sana's notes but then, he got a Facetime request from Even and...he lost track of time. Oops?

Sana sighed, turning to Isak. ''Look, I can't help you if you don't help yourself. I know you need an extra good grade in Biology if you want to get a scholarship for next year but, don't expect it to be thrown at your feet like you're some royalty. You need to earn it, you need to work for it.''

Once again, Sana was right. 

Isak knew he'd have to work his ass of this year. Graduation is in eight months and he needs to send his college applications next month. Crazy right? The school year just started and he already has to chose which college he'll go next fall. Lucky for him, he has a good idea which college he wants to apply to and when Isak looked up online for prerequisites and admissions, he saw the required grades to be accepted and Biology was one of them. He might have been a Biology genius last year but, this year, he's a bit behind. 

Lucky for him he has Sana to put him in the right track and remind him of what's really important.

Scholarship was something weighting heavy on Isak's mind at the moment. While he had fun in Paris during September, he knew this trip would affect his grades a little. He knew he'd come home to a pile of schoolwork to do and shit to learn but, he might have underestimated the pile. Now, not only is he overflowed with make up work but the world hasn't stop turning, his current classes are still going and adds up to his pile of work. 

Isak sighed and circled B), making his lap partner smirk before reading the next question. 

''Well, this was easy,'' Isak commented when he finished the last question, putting his pencil down. 

Sana rolled her eyes, an habit she took from her lazy and annoying lap partner. ''Don't forget to do your part for Thursday's assignment,'' she reminded Isak, almost finished packing up her stuff.

''It's almost done, Sana,'' he replied, closing his textbook to put it back in his bag.

Sana slid her bag over her shoulder and gave him a look. ''You better have started.'' 

-

Friday, October 27th

  Today's a big day for Magnus Fossbakken. He is finally turning eighteen and the blonde is very excited. He'll be able to buy his own beer now! Other than that, Magnus doesn't think being eighteen is exciting. It doesn't change anything, really. You're just one year older. 

Vilde didn't share his opinion. 

She organized a massive birthday surprise and invited all of Magnus's friends. Her house being too tinny for receive everyone, she asked Eva to let her borrow her backyard with the promise of organizing everything. 

With the help of Jonas, Mahdi and Isak. 

Not that she asked them if they wanted to be a part of the surprise party. She basically forced them to join to the preparations.

She spent the whole week - and past weekend - planning the event and buying decors and food and everything. She even made Magnus's mother pitch in for the money. Mrs Fossbakken was happy her son finally found a good girl like Vilde who puts her heart into making her boyfriend happy. 

If it wasn't for Vilde, the boys would have taken him to a party of drank at Jonas's place like the have been doing every Fridays for the past three years. 

But, a surprise party is better, right?

The sun was rising when Isak's phone started going off. He tried to ignore it but the buzzing wasn't stopping. Isak groaned in annoyance, slipping a hand out of his covers and reached blindly for the device on his nightstand. 

 _Maybe it's Even._  

Since the days they met in Paris, Even has been sending him 'good morning' texts - he even adds a selfie sometimes - every mornings and it would be a lie to say Isak doesn't look forward to read them when he wakes up. They never fail to put him in a good mood. Pressing the power button, the screen lit up, blinding him. He squinted, his smile vanishing away when he saw Vilde's name on his screen and not his boyfriend's.

**_______________**

**Vilde**

**06:52**

I'll get the cake for tonight. 

Do you think Magnus prefers chocolate or vanilla cake? 

What about the frosting? 

Is Mahdi still in charge of the alcohol? I tried calling him but he won't answer.

What time do you think you and Jonas will be able to bring him over at Eva's?

I need to know so everything can be ready before he arrives. 

Oh my god, I'm so stressed for tonight!

Isak?

What the fuck, Vilde?! It's 6am!!

Yeah, I know. I need to make sure everything is perfect for tonight. 

It's Magnus and I's first time celebrating his birthday 

together, I don't want to mess up his surprise party.

So, about the cake?!

Magnus won't care what type of cake you get him.

Oh no.... Magnus doesn't like cake? 

It's cake, Vilde. Everyone loves cake. 

What about the frosting? Should I get something special written on it? 

Please do NOT.

Okay...

**_______________**

Annoyed, Isak rolled over on his stomach and buried his face in his pillow. Did she really have to ruin his last few minutes of sleep? Couldn't she have waited until school to talk to him about Magnus's cake preferences? 

-

''Happy birthday, man!'' 

Magnus was shook. He won't say he didn't see it coming because Vilde isn't the best at being subtle. He kinda knew something was going on but he didn't think she's throw him a birthday surprise with all his friends. ''You guys all did this for me?! Aw,'' he cooed, pressing his lips against Vilde's. ''Thank you, baby.'' 

She smiled and moved out of his grip, already off somewhere. ''You need to open your gifts!'' She came back with a massive box wrapped in colorful paper and ribbons. ''Open it,'' she said, putting the box in Magnus's hands. 

After looking online and asking the girls for advice, Vilde decided to make Magnus's gift. Noora told her a gift was more meaningful when it was made by hands instead of bought. So she printed a bunch of pictures of them and made a collage with pictures. It was filled with memories and very...pink. Them skiing during Easter break, cute selfies, etc. Chris and Noora cooed when Magnus unwrapped the collage. 

 _It's so cute_ , they said. 

While Vilde's gift was cute, Isak and the boys won the best gift: a massive beer bottle. The latter had Magnus jump up and down, throwing himself at the boys to thank them. 

-

''Did you guys chose the cake?'' Magnus asked, joining the boys where they sat on the patio's stairs.

Jonas and Isak shook their head. ''No!'' they said in unison. 

Magnus's cake was terrible. The fancy icing tasted like straight up butter and the cake itself was hard like a brick. Not to mention there was a spelling mistake in the red icing.

''It was all Vilde,'' confirmed Isak, taking a sip of his beer.

Magnus hummed, smiling. ''She's amazing, isn't she? I bet you guys would love to have a girlfriend like her?'' 

''I feel bad for her,'' started Jonas. ''She planned all this for it to be ruined.''

''What do you mean?'' 

''Mahdi forgot the beer because thought _I_ was in charge of it, the cake was disgusting and Eva got drunk and threw up on the collage she made.''

Magnus laughed. ''That was kinda funny, though. Eva never learns.'' 

-

Tuesday, October 31st

  As much as Isak loves parties, he _hates_ Halloween parties. 

Parties are for drinking beers and booze and smoking pot. 

Costumes are childish. Teenagers only likes Halloween because they can be someone else for one night without anyone judging them. Girls can dress slutty as long as they add animal ears to their head which doesn't makes sense because Halloween parties should be scary, not a free entry to a strip club. Some even dresses as _sluts_. What the fuck, people?

It was around eight o'clock when the boy squad showed up at Isak's place, Magnus holding a costume for Isak in a plastic bag. They forced him to put on a stupid costume and dragged him to some girl's Halloween party and Isak wanted to cry when he saw the Aladdin costumes his friends had chosen. 

_Aladdin? What the fuck?!_

''Girls will like it,'' said Magnus, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and Isak rolled his eyes.

Shaking his head, Isak pushed the costume back into Magnus's hands. ''I'm not wearing that thing.'' 

''It's a costumed party, you _have_ to wear a costume,'' explained Mahdi who was dressed as Kanye West. 

While Isak isn't a fan of Kanye, he was jealous of Mahdi's costume...and the other boys's too. ''You all have 'cool' costumes, why do I get shitty Aladdin? It's unfair,'' Isak complained. 

In the end, Isak put on the shitty costume and they went to that stupid Halloween party. 

And Isak hated it. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave kudos and comments, all feedback is appreciated, xx
> 
> Thought on Evak's relationship? Do you think they'll make it work?


	3. Chapter two | November (1)

Wednesday, November 1st

  He saw him first.  

The tram was packed after school so Isak had to squeeze in between an old lady and some college kid listening to too loud music. Headphones are made so you don't annoy people with your shitty music, don't break its purpose. The elder woman was talking about the weather and Isak couldn't care less about the fucking weather right now. 

He pulled out his phone to check if he had any texts from Even. The Parisian boy had a presentation today at college - something in photography - and Isak wanted to know how it went. Even worked so hard on this project, hopefully it went well and his teacher understood his creativity. 

Isak pouted when he had no new messages. 

The tram stopped and a few people went down. Isak spotted an empty seat right by the door - it wasn't the best seat but, it's a seat - but a bitchy looking college girl sat before him. He glared at her and held onto the handle of the tram, still stuck between the guy with the loud music and the old lady. 

This ride is gonna be a long one.

On the third stop, more people stepped in the tram and Isak wanted to scream when someone stepped on his feet. 

_Look where you're going!_

He was so annoyed. He hates public transportation.

**_______________**

**Mamma**

**15:50**

Can you pick up Lea from school today? I have 

an appointment and dad is working extra hours. I don't 

want her to walk home alone. 

Can you fix dinner too? You'd be an amazing son. 

**_______________**

Does he have a choice? 

Putting his phone back in his jacket's pocket, Isak spotted someone familiar form the corner of his eyes. He gulped, mentally praying his eyes were tricking him and he wasn't seeing who he thought he was seeing. He forced himself to look up. He could only see the back of the person but, Isak  _knew_  it was him. The long hair and this fucking jacket. 

'' _Jakov_.'' 

Isak felt the bile rise in his throat when the name passed his lips. He hasn't seen him since Jakov left him alone in that bedroom, feeling used and worthless, at some guy's house party. A  _lot_  of things had happened that night. Words had been said and the wounds they made in Isak's chest never fully healed. 

After that night, Jakov just vanished. Isak thought he would never see him again.

Until today.

Jakov must've heard him because the guy turned, confirming Isak's fears, and crossed the bus to get to Isak, smirk on his lips. ''Long time no see, Isak.'' 

His hazel eyes met Isak's and the younger boy gulped. Isak's instinct told him to run away or hide but he was in the tram. Running away was  _not_  possible. 

''Missed me?'' Jakov asked, stepping closer and closer until he was invading Isak's personal space. 

Distress flashed trough Isak's mind. He promised himself to never let Jakov come close to him and this was  _too_ close. Way too close. Isak felt like he was choking as the familiar smell of his ex's after shave filled his nostrils. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore it but the scent was too strong, too close for him to ignore. 

Isak felt Jakov's hand on his face, touching his cheek and flinched, moving away from his touch. ''Don't touch me.'' 

Jakov rolled his eyes. ''Come on, you used to love it when I touched you.'' 

_Time has changed. I don't want your disgusting hands on me anymore._

Jakov put his hand on Isak again, only, this time, he went straight for it and slipped it underneath the blonde's hoodie, thumb ghosting over the elastic band of his boxers. For a mere second Isak thought Jakov was gonna put his hand in his pants and  _touch_  him in the tram which would've been very inappropriate considered the tram is a public transport and there is probably children in this wagon. 

The tram stopped and Isak thought ' _this is my cue to escape_ ' but, Jakov saw him coming and blocked the way, trapping him against the wall of the tram. Isak tried to shove him but, Jakov was stronger and barely moved when Isak's hands tried to push him. 

''You're not getting rid of me so fast. I'm not done with you, Valtersen,'' warned Jakov, looking at him with daggers in the eyes. 

Isak felt like crying. He was scared. Last time Jakov said something like this Isak ended up in the ER and this time, Jonas won't believe him when he'll say he fell in PE. He looked over Jakov's shoulder, trying to find a way to escape. The light above the door flashed once, twice, warning they were about to close and Isak saw this as his  _last_  chance. 

He  _has_  to make it in time or he'll be stuck with Jakov until the next stop.

Between a kick and a shove, Isak succeed and made it out of the tram. Jakov tried to grab him but his hand slipped and the door closed before he could follow him out. Even though he knew Jakov was still  _in_ the tram, Isak didn't stop running. 

He ran until he was at home, door locked.  _Safe_.   

And if he bumped into an old lady who was getting on the tram on his way out, Isak didn't see her. 

-

  Isak was in mid shower, scrubbing away every corner of his milky skin, trying to erase the memory of Jakov touching him when he remembered what his mother asked him to do. 

 _Lea_. 

His mom is going to be pissed.

-

  Isak skipped dinner that night. He stayed in his room, in his bed, hidden under his pile of blankets. His skin was red from the hardcore scrubbing he did in the shower and his hair had dried in a weird way but, he didn't care. His pillow was probably going to smell bad from having his wet hair on it but, again, he didn't care. Isak didn't care about anything. 

An atomic bomb could go off that he wouldn't move from his bed. 

Back when Isak and Jakov were a thing, whenever something would happen between them, Isak would always go to his bed. He could spend days without leaving his bed other than to use the bathroom. He wouldn't answer his phone nor come to the kitchen to eat. 

His bed was  _safety_. It was a sort of safety nest. A place where nothing negative happened. A warm and comforting place.

According to therapists, visualizing a safe place location when traumatic memories become overpowering is good for recovery and mental health. It's something every mental health consumer should have. A place where no matter how cray things can get, you'll feel safe at. Your safe place doesn't need to be an actual location. What's important is how it makes you feel. Your safe place must make you feel  _safe_.

Believe it or not, Jakov  _never_  touched Isak's bed. He's been to Isak's house a couple times but not once he sat on the blonde's bed or even touched the comforter. This is one of the reason Isak's bed is his safety nest. The second is simply because he loves to think that sleeping helps curing his problems but, in reality, it just makes it go away for a few hours - until you wake up. 

Stirring from his sleep, Isak heard a buzzing noise coming from the floor. His phone. As tempting as going back to dreamland felt, a small part of him couldn't help but think: what if it's Even?

It  _was_.

**_______________**

**Even ❤**

**22:19**

I can't believe it's been two months since you left Paris. 

My bed feels so empty without you. Miss you so much baby ❤

Hey.

Miss you too.

Am I bothering you? We can talk later if you're busy.

You're not. Just had a bad day...

What happened? 

Nothing you need to worry about.

Isak...

Is there anything I can do to make it better? 

No. Not really.

Not really? That means there IS something I can do. 

Just tell me, Isak.

I saw my ex on the tram.

**_______________**

Isak didn't know if telling Even about his ex was a good idea. He doesn't want Even to worry but, a part of him knows he'll worry anyway. That's just how Even is. He's a worrier when it comes to his boyfriend. 

What he's  _not_  gonna tell him is that he's still a bit shaken up from his encounter with Jakov. He'll keep that one for himself.

**_______________**

**Even** **❤**

**22:30**

Should I be worried?

About?

This ex of yours...

Not like that. 

I want YOU, Even.

Don't ever doubt that, baby.

Aw, you're so cute ❤ 

I'm not cute...

Yes, you are! You're the cutest boyfriend, all mine ❤

Shut up.

❤  

 **_______________**   

-

  Although Even managed to put a small smile on Isak's lips with his cute texts and heart emojis, he couldn't say he was okay. It didn't take long for his smile to be replaced by his previous lip biting habit - aka, one of his anxious tic. He was still scared and, every time he closed his eyes, he could see Jakov's smirk and feel his hands on his body. How is he supposed to sleep with that on his mind? 

Jakov scarred Isak. He messed with Isak's mind. Jakov was Isak's first 'relationship' with another guy and, after him, Isak shut himself and didn't want to get into relationships by fear of falling on someone like Jakov. The chances were slim but, he didn't want to risk it. 

Isak clutched his comforter tighter, feeling his nails in his palm trough the fabric. His eyes were wide awake, trying to see trough the darkness of his bedroom. A branch was scrapping against his window et Isak jumped every time it made a noise.  

Time ticked and by four o'clock, the teenager hadn't slept a wink. Looks like he's gonna pull an all-nighter...

 _I thought I was healed from Jakov. I thought it was over. I thought...that he would leave me alone._   

- 

Friday, November 3rd

  School wasn't easy. Jakov was still on his mind and Isak couldn't quite concentrate in classes. He had this constant worry that Jakov would try to corner him and that this time, he wouldn't be able to escape.  _What if he comes to school? What if he's in the tram again tonight?_

''Isak! Isak!'' repeated Eva's annoyed voice.

Isak snapped out of his thoughts, turning his head to look at a pissed Eva. ''Sorry, I was just...erm, sorry.'' 

He almost told her that something was on his mind but then, he remembered that they aren't best friends anymore. She won't care about his personal problems.

She rolled her eyes. ''It's the third time today! Can you concentrate a little? I know it's Friday and all you can think about is drinking and getting high with the boys but, we  _have_ to do this assignment.''

If only drinking and getting high with the boys was what's on his mind right now... 

Eva is right, though. He should get started on their English assignment. Knowing their English teacher, he would be the kind of person to not tell the students when an assignment is worth half their semester's final grade. 

''Sorry. What's the subject again?'' he asked and the ginger haired girl rolled her eyes for the second time, already fed up with his shit. 

''Did you even listen to what the teacher said?'' He opened his mouth to reply but she spoke before he could. ''I know you're a lay person, Isak, but, if you think I'm gonna do all the work while you sit there and daydream about your pre-game with Jonas, you're fucking wrong. Now, wake up and get your head out of your ass or I'll just tell Mr Tully that you've done nothing in this assignment when comes time to hand them out.''

Isak blinked. Jonas was right, Eva did change. A lot. This is a completely new Eva. This new Eva takes shit from no one and a part of Isak was proud of her. Girls used to step on her half of the time and she was very shy; he's happy she found the courage to stand up for herself. 

If only he had the same courage she has...

Thinking back, when Jakov trapped him in the tram, Isak could've done so much more. He could've scream or kicked him earlier instead of waiting until last minute. He could've- 

''Isak!'' 

- 

Sunday, November 5th

  The next time Isak saw Jakov was at the skate park on Sunday. He was with the boy squad and a couple other guys they hang out with whenever they go skateboarding. Mahdi had just gone down the massive bowl ramp when Isak caught glimpse of the oh-so-familiar jacket. Isak had stepped back from the edge of the ramp and dropped his skateboard. 

Jonas turned at the noise and frowned, seeing the look on his best friend's face. ''You alright? You look tense.'' 

Biting his lip, Isak hesitated. Should he tell Jonas? ''You remember Jakov?'' Jonas nodded slowly, confused why Isak was talking about him. ''I think I saw him walking in.''

''Jakov moved to Bergen, Isak. It can't be him.'' 

''No! He's  _here_.''  

''Why are you talking about Jakov anyway? Were you two friends or something?'' Jonas asked, still confused.

Friends? No. More like  _fuck_  friends. 

Elongating his neck, Isak tried to look around for Jakov's familiar jacket. ''We need to leave. I can't stay here. I need to get out of here, Jonas, I-''

Seeing the distress in his friend's face, Jonas closed the distance between them, now standing in front of Isak. ''Are you okay, man?'' he asked, concern in his voice. He knew his question was stupid but a part of him king of hoped Isak would let his guard down and tell him what was really going on. Why he was talking about Jakov all of a sudden and why he was so panicked at the idea of seeing him.

Isak couldn't hear his best friend. His mind was focused on the red light flashing inside his head, telling him to leave, get out of here. 

So he did. He left, forgetting about Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus. 

''Isak,'' Jonas said, stopping him from leaving. The boy's eyes were wide and alert, mistaking Jonas's touch for Jakov's. ''Keeping things inside only makes them worse.'' 

-

  For the first time ever, the safety nest wasn't working. He tried hiding under the blankets. He tried putting his headphones to block any noises but, it only made him more paranoid. The absence of sound tricked his brain into thinking Jakov had followed him and might be in his house. But he wasn't. 

A wave of panic rush trough him, realizing his safety nest wasn't gonna work today. 

What is he gonna do?

Having a safe place isn't always enough, like today. Sometimes, you might need a protector of your safe place, a figure you associate with protection. Someone who makes you feel safe, someone who willtake into your safe place as a result.  

Just like finding a safe place, finding a figure of protection isn't easier. You can't just pick someone like you would on tinder. It's not a swipe left situation. 

You need to thrust this person with  _everything_. You need to feel good in their company regardless the situation. This person needs to act as a shield between you and whatever's triggering you. Most importantly, this person needs to make you feel  _safe_.

Right now, Isak can only think of one person who fills in every criteria and as much as Isak wanted to call that person, he didn't want to be a bother. That's one of the reason why he always keeps everything in and never talk about his problems. Maybe he doesn't want to bother anyone but, like Jonas said, keeping everything in only makes things worse. People needs people. 

Grabbing his phone, Isak scrolled down his list of contacts and stared at the screen for a few seconds. They've known each other for less than two months but, Even is the person Isak thrust most. If he had to put his whole life in someone's hands it would be Even's, although Jonas stands very close.

The only thing that was keeping him from calling was his phone bill. His parents would flip shit if he were to make a call in fucking France but, it was a life of death situation. So, Isak hit the call button and waited.

-

_It was a gray day in Paris. The sun was hiding behind the thick clouds, depriving the city from any sunlight. Even had just finished his shift at the café and the two boys were sitting at a table by the windows, sharing  a piece of cheese cake._

_''It's the perfect day to go to museums,''  Even said, earning an immediate reaction from Isak._

_''Museums? Really, Even?'' The though of visiting a museum made him want to bang his head with a dictionary. ''I just finished reading about the French Revolution, I don't think I can handle any more historic knowledge. My brain is about to explode from the knowledge overload Mme Beauchamps fed us with.''_

_The older boy chuckled, cutting a piece of cheese cake with his fork. ''I was joking, mon amour. We're not going to a museum...not exactly.''_

_''Eh...what?''_

_''You'll see.''_

_After they were done with their cake, Even took Isak's hand and dragged him out of the café. Once again, Even led them to a park. As if parks were the only thing he knew. This park wasn't like the other though. It was beautiful and very Instagram-like with all this flora and waterfalls._

_Parc des Buttes Chaumont, Isak read. He recalled having read about this place in class. This is where the Temple de la Sibylle is situated. It looked beautiful in his books but is even more beautiful in person._

_''I used to come here with my grandma every Sunday and feed the ducks although you aren't allowed to do so. Some people complained about the ducks stealing their food and biting them but, it wasn't the ducks who stole their food bit them, it was seagulls. I was sad when Grandma told me about the ducks so she took me there on a Sunday morning and brought bread in her handbag so I could feed them. I was scared to get in trouble but she promised to watch my back for any cops.''_

_Isak laughed fondly. ''Your grandma sounds cool. Mine would've freaked out I might fall in the lake.''_

_''She really was. She passed away last spring.''_

_''Oh. Sorry, I...I didn't-''_

_''It's okay. She joined the love of her life, she's in a better place.''_

_Although it was a sad subject, Even remained very positive and Isak was amazed. How does he stay so positive all the time? How does he always find a positive side of every situations?_

_They continued walking trough the park, stopping here and there to take pictures of the waterfalls, cool architectures and, of course, snap a couple selfies._

_''Did you know there was a short film festival held here during September? I wanted to participate last year but...something happened and- It was best I didn't. Could've ruined my name forever if I submitted that film.''_

_''How so?''_

_At Isak's question, Even's face changed drastically. He looked no longer happy and full of life. His eyes were wide, mouth agape. He looked panicked, scared almost. A few seconds passed before Even spoke again, his usual confidence gone from his voice._ _''I...I'll tell you another time, okay?''_

_Although Isak wanted to dig and ask, he respected his boyfriend and didn't push. Mutual respect is key to a good relationship. Instead, Isak nodded, squeezing Even's hand to tell him it was okay and that he wouldn't pressure him to say things he isn't ready._

_Even's lips tugged into a smile, life coming back to his face._

_._

_Isak curled his hand on the back of his neck and pulled him down into a kiss. It's rare Isak makes the first move in public so Even won't say no to this kiss. He's making progress. Even's hand found Isak's waist, pulling him closer as he kissed back just as softly._

_If they were in Oslo, Isak would've never kissed a boy like that in public. Over the past days, he grew to accept his sexuality - thanks to Even - but, being away from home definitely makes things easier. His family is miles away and he won't risk being the main subject of the next gossip at his school. He's out of prying eyes and that plays a lot with his self-confidence._

_They made out in the middle of the park, trying to keep it PG but everyone knows it's impossible. There is always a wandering hand somewhere..._ _Isak swallowed a squeal as he felt a hand on his butt, grasping firmly trough his jeans. Tables turned and Isak was now the one with the deer in the headlights look. Even smirked, amused before leaning_ _forward, deepening their kiss a bit more. Holding his moan, Isak tugged at Even's curls at the nape of his neck, feeling the soft hair between his fingers. He needs to focus on something else if he doesn't want to be a moaning mess in public. How embarrassing._

_Isak was having the time of his life kissing his boyfriend in a beautiful park when some rude man yelled something homophobic at them. Or, Isak assumed it was at them. He wasn't sure what the man said exactly because Mrs Beauchamps doesn't teaches them this type of words but, he's heard 'pédales' before and knows it's a french slang for 'faggot'._

_At this moment, he wished he was like Even and that the man's words didn't get to him but they did. Isak is slowly coming to therms with his sexuality and hearing this made him want to stay in the closet forever._

_''What did he say? What?!'' he asked Even, breaking the kiss, no longer interested kissing._

_A part of Even wished Isak didn't hear the man's homophobic comment but, alas, he did._

_''Isak. Isak, look at me,'' Even said, grabbing his face between his hands, forcing him to look at him and only him. ''Look at me.''_

_Fire was burning inside Isak's stomach. He wanted to run and hit that homophobic, conceited man. He's never had to deal with something like this before and he's fucking fuming. It's 2017, you'd think the world has evolved and became more accepting but nope. There is still homophobic people and in some cultures, people are still hung because of their sexuality. Killing people for that motive won't make people stop being homosexuals. This is crazy beliefs._

_Isak's green eyes darted left, trying to see where the man had headed but Even guided him back. ''_ _Focus on me, Isak,'' he coached, his face only a few inches from Isak's._ _''It's fine. Okay?''_

_''What? No, it's not- Did you hear what the guy said? He-''_

_The younger boy was worked up and Even knew he had to calm him down. Not because he was causing a mild scene in a public parc but, because it won't change anything. What is said is said. They can't do anything about it._

_''Isak, look at me. Just me.''_

_Isak looked down, his breathing still fast. He still wanted to punch that guy's face._ _Even didn't give up, he held Isak's face between his hands, eyes focused on his until Isak looked up and met his eyes. Until he had calmed down._

_''Don't give more importance to people than what they deserve.''_ _Even's wise words strikes again, his voice calm and composed. ''Man like him, there's plenty. You've just got to ignore them.''_

_Isak made a face, still unsure. Ignore them. It's easier to say than do._

_Sensing the uneasiness, Even kissed Isak's cheek before wrapping his arms around his waist, Isak's coming around Even's neck, needing the comfort of his boyfriend._

_''Better now?'' Even asked. Isak nodded. ''Now, we'll go to the café to get my keys from Mikael and then, we'll go to my place and watch movies.''_

_Frowning, Isak pulled away, keeping Even at arm length. ''What about the park?_

_''We can come back another time.''_


End file.
